Thursday, June 11, 2009

Inhale in the face of the infinite black hole

I was working in my studio and heard loud voices calling out to see if any one was down here. My first thought was that some tenant had buzzed drunken friends into the building and now they were lost in the back stairwell trying to find their way out or back in. I didn't want them to try to get into our apartment or my studio so I got up to redirect them. Swinging open the door wearing my stern face, ready to tell them to get the hell out of here and keep it down because people are sleeping, I found myself staring into the infinite black hole of a hand gun. Clutching it tightly with a solid aim at my face was a police officer. He was flanked by four or five others. All crammed in a narrow stairwell. Seeing this the once stern look I wore evaporated to reveal a total dumbfounded shock. Gripping the doorknob I inhaled- black hole. The officer yelled at me to come out of there. With out exhale I inhaled again- Black hole. "Sir! I have a gun pointed at you please come out of there!" Double inhale- BLACK HOLE. "SIR. MOVE OUT OF THE DOORWAY AND COME TOWARD US."

Shaking my head slightly trying to make sense of the scene in front of me I let go of the door and slowly walked toward them. Two officers asked me different questions at the same time. For some reason I didn't sound very bright as I tried to answer them simultaneously. Another officer carried out a quick sweep of the studio while two others moved out through the side door into the back patio area. Pepper who had been at the back window watching all of this opened the door to meet me.

The officer who had held me so closely at gunpoint apologized. I didn't know what to say in response. "Ah that's okay." didn't seem appropriate. So I just composed myself best I could an listened. He then informed us they had received a phone call that a gunman was in the building and they had been searching all the floors, rooftops and stairwells. Fortunately I didn't meet the suspects description so I wasn't shot.

All in all there were about 10 police officers deployed in the sweep of our building. In the end there was no gunman. Just a jealous, angry immature girlfriend who wanted to teach her boyfriend a lesson. I don't know what lesson he learned but I learned- Don't date crazy teenage girls with a disposition for drama and then spend the evening with another girl who's hotness is equal to or grater than the first girls hotness and expect the evening to go smoothly. And make sure, this one is very important, you never match the description of the suspect. Pepper might suggest add that one move more quickly when a gun is pointed at them. I'm not sure if sudden movements would have been the best course of action.

Even though there was roughly 15 feet between me and the open end of the gun. That barrel appeared to hover a few short inches from my future.